The Simple Premise
When I first learned Choice Theory in 1987—and began teaching it in 1993—many people genuinely believed they could control the people closest to them. They believed they controlled their spouse, their children, and in some cases, their aging parents. Today, most people intellectually understand that they cannot control others. Yet that doesn't necessarily stop them from wanting to—or trying to.
These fruitless efforts often lead to frustration, anger, depression, and jealousy.
Mental Freedom® helps people understand that while they do not control others, they do have influence over their own responses in every situation.
Whatever response you choose is your best available behavior in that moment to get what you want, based on the information and skills you have at the time.
Why This Matters in Real Life
When experiencing conflict with someone, you can begin to see that it may not be personal. Both you and the other person are both doing your best to get what you want in that moment to meet your needs.
As a leader, when you feel disappointment or frustration with an employee or volunteer, this perspective can open the door to compassion. They are attempting to meet their needs, just as you are. In parenting, it is easy to assume your child is deliberately defying you. But when you step back from the battlefield, you may see something different: your child is acting from their perspective, trying to get what they want with the skills they currently possess.
Even personal frustration often has the same root. You may be trying to make yourself do something you deeply resist—or trying to get someone else to behave differently so you can feel better.
Choice Theory invites clarity without blame. From that clarity can come reduced judgement, greater compassion, and sometimes even forgiveness—which frees you from carrying unnecessary resentment. To read the full explanation of the theory behind Mental Freedom®, you can explore the in-depth blog on Choice Theory.
How Mental Freedom® Makes It Practical
Mental Freedom® translates theory into daily application. The focus is not on abstract philosophy but on awareness combined with choice. You cannot control everything, but you can expand your range of response.
When you develop compassion for those who are behaving in ways you dislike, you often find your own thinking softens. That shift opens your heart, frees your mind, and changes the quality of your relationships.
Where might you have more choice than you realize?
If you'd like to see how these ideas are applied in real conversations and relationships, our first annual Mental Freedom® Conference takes place March 14. Early-bird registration is available through March 1. The conference will be recorded for those who are unable to attend live.