Are you feeling exhausted? Do you feel weighed down by responsibility? Do you find yourself taking responsibility for absolutely everything? If so, your Mental Freedom is suffering.
Often, this exhaustion comes from widespread confusion about what responsibility actually is. Mental Freedom® distinguishes three categories:
1. The things you are responsible for 2. The things you are definitely not responsible for 3. The things you aren't responsible for, but may choose to take responsibility for anyway
This last category is where response-ability lives. Responsibility and response-ability are not the same thing. Let's clarify the difference.
What You Are Responsible For
Mental Freedom® is reduced when you fail to take responsibility for what is truly yours. In Mental Freedom®, you are responsible for:
- Everything you do
- Everything you think
- Your happiness
- Meeting your own needs
- Solving your problems
- Your half of all your relationships
If you did it, said it, or thought it, you generated it, and it belongs to you.
We lose Mental Freedom® when we expect others to carry these responsibilities for us. Every time you think, "I'll be happy when you __________," you place your happiness in someone else's hands—something you cannot control.
People can make it easier or harder to meet your needs, but they can't meet your needs for you. Getting your needs met always includes your participation. The same is true of problems. When something is bothering you and you expect someone else to fix it, you again hand your agency over to another person, who may or may not act—within or outside your timeline.
Being responsible for your half of a relationship means meeting your needs without interfering with the other person meeting theirs.
Mental Freedom® is lost whenever we delegate these responsibilities to others. Doing so often leads to resentment and powerlessness—the opposite of Mental Freedom®.
What You Are Not Responsible For
Because we care, we often take responsibility for things that belong to someone else. This can look generous or loving on the surface, but over time, it frequently leads to resentment, especially when it's driven by guilt or obligation.
You are not responsible for:
- Other people's actions
- Other people's thoughts or feelings
- Other people's happiness
- Meeting other people's needs
- Solving other people's problems
- Their half of the relationship
This distinction is especially important in situations involving abuse, adult children, and caregiving relationships. Accepting responsibility for your own abuse, over-caring for adult children, or confusing care with control all erode Mental Freedom® for both people involved.
A useful question to ask is: "How will my taking responsibility for something this person is responsible for affect their agency?" Often, it robs the person of valuable learning and reduces their willingness to take responsibility for their own lives.
Relinquishing responsibility for what isn't yours is not abandonment; it restores agency and dignity for everyone involved.
Where Response-ability Actually Lives
Once you're clear about what is and is not your responsibility, you may still choose to respond. This is where response-ability comes into play.
Response-ability refers to the choice to respond to something that isn't your responsibility. It is never an obligation and should never be driven by guilt. It is freely given.
We exercise response-ability when we volunteer, donate to causes we care about, help an adult child by choice rather than necessity, or advocate for others. The key distinction is that we choose to respond—we aren't required to.
The Critical Question: What Will This Response Do?
Before choosing to be response-able, Mental Freedom® invites you to pause and ask:
1. Is this something I genuinely want to do? 2. How will my intervention affect this person in the short and long term? 3. What kind of person do I want to be in this situation?
Without this awareness, response-ability can undermine growth, create dependence, and fuel resentment. With clarity, response-ability aligns with your values, preserves dignity, and supports genuine connection.
Responsibility Is Not Reduced by Compassion
Carrying less responsibility does not mean caring less. In fact, true compassion does not mean doing for others what they are capable of doing for themselves. It means supporting people in managing their responsibilities, not taking them over.
When responsibility is paired with response-ability, choice replaces coercion.
This distinction lies at the heart of Mental Freedom® because it protects agency and dignity, prevents self-blame, and stops control from masquerading as care.
For Maximum Mental Freedom®, Carry Only What Is Yours
What are you carrying right now that belongs to someone else, or that you could choose to carry differently?