Have you ever noticed that when something matters and you don't have all the information, you naturally make up a story to fill in the blanks? For example, your friend doesn't return your text, and you tell yourself that they don't like you anymore.
Because we're wired with a negativity bias that helped our ancestors survive, our stories often lean toward worst-case scenarios.
What if your story is true? What if it isn't?
Certainty Creates Suffering
When we make up a story, we often create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. If the story is negative, we suffer immediately. If it's positive and later proves untrue, we suffer the disappointment. Whether the story is optimistic or pessimistic, suffering begins when we become convinced we know something we don't actually know.
Perspective Is Limited
We can't know what we don't know. We're often aware of facts, the things we can observe. It's true your friend didn't respond to your text. That's a fact. Concluding they no longer like you is a story. It might be true; it might not.
Many of the stories we create involve another person's thoughts or intentions. We can never know those with certainty because they exist inside another person's mind. Even if someone tells us what they were thinking, we can't know with absolute certainty whether they're telling the truth or simply telling themselves a story of their own.
Before deciding someone else's motives, we first have to recognize that our interpretation may not be the only possible one. You can read more about how these interpretations form in The Stories We Tell Ourselves—and Why They Matter More Than We Think.
Hold Your Story Loosely
Whenever you notice you've moved beyond facts into certainty, pause and ask yourself, "What else might be true?" That question gives you room to gather more information before deciding what something means.
Perhaps your friend didn't see your text because their phone was charging, or maybe they left it somewhere. Maybe they typed a response but forgot to hit "send." Perhaps they accidentally replied to someone else. And yes, it's also possible they no longer want to be your friend.
The point isn't to convince yourself of a happier story. The point is to remind yourself that you don't know yet. Considering other possible explanations loosens certainty and gives you room to respond thoughtfully instead of reacting to your assumptions.
Mental Freedom® Perspective
One of my favorite reminders comes from an ancient Chinese parable: "Maybe so, maybe not… we'll see." The story reminds us that we rarely know whether an event is ultimately good, bad, or somewhere in between. What seems like the worst thing today may become tomorrow's greatest opportunity. Likewise, what appears to be a wonderful outcome may eventually create unexpected challenges.
Have you ever had a relationship end that you desperately wanted to save, only to realize later it opened the door to something even better? Or lost a job that ultimately led to an opportunity you never would have pursued otherwise?
The point isn't to pretend painful experiences don't hurt. The point is to resist the urge to decide too quickly what they mean. "Maybe so, maybe not… we'll see" reminds us to stay curious while life unfolds instead of creating unnecessary suffering by becoming certain before we have enough information. When we learn to live in the "we'll see," we create space for possibilities we simply can't imagine yet.
Reflection
What story might deserve a "Maybe so, maybe not… we'll see"?