Introduction
There is a difference between helping someone and taking responsibility for them. The former is a beautiful thing. The latter often undermines the very growth and ownership we want to encourage.
Unfortunately, the line between those two things can be surprisingly blurry.
Why Do We Take Over?
We often have good reasons for stepping in:
- We care about other people
- We worry when people are struggling
- We want relief for them
- We want relief from the worry for ourselves
The Cost of Taking Over
There is often a price when we assume responsibility that belongs to someone else:
- Their ownership and agency decreases
- Their personal growth slows
- Their dependence on us can increase
The more we take over, the less opportunity the other person has to develop confidence in their own ability to handle changes and solve problems.
You can learn more about why people often resist help and advice in Why Advice Rarely Changes Behavior.
What Real Support Looks Like
Because our motivations are usually well-intentioned, it may be helpful to consider a different approach:
- Listen to understand the other person's perspective
- Encourage them to identify the benefits and drawbacks of their options
- Ask questions that help them discover alternatives and new perspectives
- Respect their ownership of both the problem and its solution
Mental Freedom® Perspective
Being response-able is a choice. When something isn't your problem, you still have the ability to help if you choose to.
When you make that choice, it's important to ensure your help is both appreciated by the other person and aligned with the person you want to be. One way to determine whether you're helping or taking over is to ask yourself, "Am I increasing this person's ownership or reducing it?"
Reflection
Where might you be helping in a way that unintentionally reduces someone else's ownership?