Most personal growth programs give you advice and tell you what you should do to live a better life.
Mental Freedom® takes a different approach.
It offers information, invites reflection, and leaves the choice entirely with you. Participants aren't even required to share their challenges. Most do of their own volition, though. They receive the information, reflect on where it might be most useful in their own lives, commit to applying it before the next session, and then return to share what they discovered. This approach is one of the defining characteristics of the Mental Freedom® Experience, where participants decide where and how to apply each principle in their own lives.
We trust participants to know what is most important for them to work on. They are fully capable human beings. Our role is to provide useful information and a supportive environment. Their role is deciding how—or even whether—to apply it.
That respect for personal agency is also one reason Mental Freedom® can be adapted across cultures without losing its core principles. I explore that idea further in One Framework, Many Expressions.
Unlike many coaching or counseling approaches, Mental Freedom® doesn't require you to tell your story before you can begin benefiting from the framework. The information comes first. You decide where it applies.
That may sound like a small distinction, but it changes everything because lasting change has to be chosen, it can't be imposed.
Why Advice Often Creates Resistance
When advice isn't requested, most people tend to resist it. The reasons are varied:
- Nobody likes being managed. Choice Theory® psychology teaches us that everyone has a Freedom need, and it's this need for Freedom that urges us toward independence and autonomy. We can often see this need initially when an 18-month-old child will say to their parents, "No! Me do it myself!" and it just gets stronger from there.
- Even good advice can trigger defensiveness. This is because no one likes to be told what to do, even if it's good for us. We want it to be our own idea.
- We instinctively protect our autonomy. People do not like to be dependent on others, especially when being told what they "should" do or how they "should" think.
This isn't stubbornness; it's human nature. Our need for Freedom drives us to resist control by anyone, even well-meaning people.
The moment people feel pressured, they're often thinking more about protecting their freedom than considering your information.
Information Creates Awareness. Intentional Choice Creates Change.
There are many ways to become exposed to new information. A person can:
- Attend a Mental Freedom® Experience.
- Attend counseling or coaching sessions.
- Read a book.
- Listen to a podcast.
- Watch a movie or television show.
- Talk with a trusted friend.
- Seek information from someone different from you.
All provide information.
Transformation begins when people intentionally practice a new way of thinking and behaving.
Many participants tell me that the Mental Freedom® principles are interesting when they first hear them, but they don't truly come alive until they begin practicing them during everyday challenges.
Doctors Marcella Finnerty and Shu-han Huang describe this same experience in this month's episodes of Life = Choices; Choices = Life, sharing how Mental Freedom® came alive through daily practice rather than simply learning the principles.
Why Choice Matters
A person choosing from their own volition is important because:
- **Timing matters.** You may think the person needs to act immediately, but if they are not in the Action Stage of Change, they will not feel your urgency, no matter how well-intentioned it may be.
- **Readiness matters.** People typically don't change until the pain of staying the same exceeds their fear of change. They simply may not have experienced enough pain yet. Many people are capable of managing a lot of pain in service to one of their important needs, especially when they can't see another, better way.
- **Values matter.** As a helper, it's easy to imagine what you would do in a similar situation, but it's impossible to know what would be good for a different person because countless invisible factors shape every decision people make—decisions often depend on readiness, as we've mentioned, and one's values, known information, culture, circumstances, needs, and perceptions of consequences of change and staying the same.
- **Freedom includes the freedom not to change.** Deciding not to change is a decision. When it's against the choice you wish they would make, not changing can strongly satisfy a person's need for Freedom.
People don't need anyone's permission to remain exactly as they are. Respecting that choice often strengthens the relationship because people feel their autonomy has been honored rather than threatened. Ironically, that is frequently when they're most willing to consider something different.
Mental Freedom® Perspective
Mental Freedom® doesn't promise that you'll always choose greater freedom. Some people value other needs more strongly than Freedom in a particular situation, such as Connection or Significance.
Mental Freedom® simply reminds you that you do have a choice in every situation. You may not like any of your choices, but there is always a choice.
Once we recognize we have a choice, the next question becomes, "How do I want to respond?" That's exactly what Response-Able: When Helping Helps and When It Hurts explores.
Reflection
Which Mental Freedom® idea have you been considering, but haven't yet chosen to practice?